Talk Money, Lo$e Relation$hip

I have my buddy, Alwyn, to thank for introducing Dan Ariely's excellent "Predictably Irrational." This must surely be the best read I've had in a long time. I particularly like his experiments which empirically confirms what many of us may have already known since we-don't-know-when.

The experiment which I particularly liked is the one making a distinction between what is Social Norm Driven and Market Norm Driven situation. To us Chinese this is certainly not something new, as most of us have been taught from young that if we Talk Money, we lose Relationships (Kong Chin Sat Kum Cheng!) The Chinese, at least, have long since recognised that in certain situations it is not good to mix money with relationships. And this coming from the only group of people I know with an official God of Money in their religion. Not bad!

The problem arises when we try to make the transition from one norm to the other. I experienced this when I was serving in church. All that a pastor does is lauded as saintly for the self sacrifices he made for practically nothing. The moment he asks for a little bit more, he would be met with greater consternation than Dicken's Oliver Twist when he asked for a second helping. I would not be surprised that if any study is done it would show that the problems faced by many churches with their pastors, at least in Malaysia, occur when they try to navigate that tricky area between the social and market norm.

Conversely, my personal observation here in Singapore is that the situation has swung to the opposite end, and many modern churches are now driven by market norms rather than social norms. Pastors are professionals and demand that appointments are made before you can see them. Visitations are scheduled rigidly, and you would be very lucky, or a VIP (Very Important Parishioner), if the pastor is there with your family if a family member is dying. (He will turn up to conduct the funeral because that can be scheduled, but don't expect him to jump out of his bed to come to the hospital. However, he can recommend a good funeral director to come over.)

The Senior Pastor is the CEO and his tenure with the church is contractual rather than relational, unlike in the past, where the relationship between a church and its pastor had been described by some as "almost like a marriage" [citation needed, as I'd chucked away the books that I read which dealt with this issue.] I guess marriages that comes with pre-nuptials are not very different.

I find a similar phenomenon in what is commonly dubbed "Chinamen's Companies" where employees who show undying loyalty to their bosses, are often the most valued, and yet paid pittance. And sometimes this can happen despite the the employee being thoroughly incompetent. It becomes very Christian because some how "love covers all things." This is the Social Norm in operation. In contrast, an efficient worker who works the hours are deemed a threat because it goes against the social contract that has been laid out.